Sunday, August 23, 2009

a bundle of joy

Tonight was the last "Concert in the Park" of the summer, put on by the Austin Symphony. I've gone several times over the summer, and sat out on the hill on blankets with friends while listening to strings, woodwind ensembles, brass quartets, and tonight the big band. We usually talk a little, then read books, journal, or just sit and listen while the symphony plays. This is something I wrote in my journal tonight. Just thought I'd share.

I'm at the last symphony concert of the summer, sitting on a a blanket on the hill as the sun sets and the big band plays. There's a family nearby with 3 adorable little boys. The mom is asian and the dad is anglo, so of course their kids are beautiful. The youngest one caught my eye when I first got here. He was toddling around in circles, stumbling down the hill, and just grinning from ear to ear. He must have just recently learned to walk, because he was so thoroughly delighted with his amazing ability. He seemed to be having the time of his life, just from toddling around. He grinned up at anyone who made eye contact, and of course those big dark eyes and rosy cheeks brought smiles to everyone's faces. It struck me how much joy this kid has. If he could talk yet, I can imagine him saying something like, "Look at this - I'm walking! Is there anything more wonderful?" He would run around in circles, then get going down the hill, building up speed until he tripped and fell flat on his face. But no worries - he just smiled, picked himself back up, and went at it again. He wasn't worried about anything at all. Once or twice he tripped and hurt himself, but after crying for about 10 seconds and running back to his mom for a quick hug, everything was ok again, and he forgot all about it.
How often do I find such joy in such small things? I walk around every day, and think nothing of it. I wish I could rediscover the world, the way a baby does. I think I might be able to, to some small extent, if I try. It really would be amazing I think. To take nothing for granted, to be completely enraptured by the wonder of every little thing that is good. To be able to thoroughly enjoy something, without a thousand other things going through my mind clamoring for attention, without doubts and fears and uncertainties gnawing through the pit of my stomach, without thinking about and planning out the next day or hour or moment. And when something goes wrong, to just run back to the One who has everything under control, let Him fix it, and then get back to living with all my heart. I think that might be part of what God meant when He wanted us to become like children.

"Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." ~Matthew 18:3-4

Thursday, August 20, 2009

i need a revelation

My life has led me down the road that's so uncertain
And now I am left alone and I am broken,
Trying to find my way,
Trying to find the faith that's gone
This time I know that You are holding all the answers
I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances
On roads that never seem
To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You

My life has led me down this path that's ever winding
Through every twist and turn I'm always finding
That I am lost again
Tell me when this road will ever end

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You

I don't know where I can turn
Tell me when will I learn
Won't You show me where I need to go
Let me follow Your lead,
I know that it's the only way that I can get back home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You

~Third Day